


somewhere only we know

by thecluelessphilosopher



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Carry On Secret Santa 2019, M/M, Slow Burn, This may take a while, Wrong Number AU, multi-chapter, partial text fic, sorry - Freeform, what is tagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21949360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecluelessphilosopher/pseuds/thecluelessphilosopher
Summary: Simon looks to the void in a time of need. Baz answers.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. once upon a dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xivz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xivz/gifts).



> Hi! This is my secret santa gift for @moonllotus on tumblr. I hope you enjoy!

**somewhere only we know**

**By:** The Clueless Philosopher

**September 15, 2014, Seventh Year**

**Simon**

It seems my mind is on autopilot. I’m too numb to be aware of the sensation of my feet pounding on the cobblestones toward mummers’ house. The cold stings my eyes but I am too tired to care. I’m still alight like a comet caught in the earth’s gravity, the Earth being Mummer’s house. I open the door and hurdle into the room.  _ No Baz.  _ I collapse against the door, too tired to cry but too scared not too. All I want is someone too wrap their arms around me and tell me it’s going to be okay. Even though I know it isn’t. When my breath slows down, I grab my phone and text the first number in my address book. It’s not Penny or Agatha’s...maybe the mage? I don’t know or care, I just want my message in the abyss.

**_Simon Snow to Unknown Number_ **

**(12:00 am) SS: Do you ever feel like your life was written before you were even born but you can’t even follow the life that someone laid out for you?**

_ (1:00 am) UNKNOWN: Always.  _

**Baz**

I think its quite ironic that I stand here draining rats when the final resting place of my mother is mere feet from me. Mother look at me now! The gay, vampire pitch heir reduced to nothing more than a savage brute burying his teeth in rat after rat because no amount of blood will ever truly make him full. Funny how that works out. You, mother, were this, composed and sophisticated anomaly. You had the pitch fire, not the uncontrollable fire that Snow has, nay, is. Your fire was elegant and regal. Ha! Lets not even mention Snow. How would you feel, mother, to know that your only son is in love with your enemy’s heir? That I wait for the days when I can see him? That I am always in awe of his good and life? That I know I would die and disappoint our family, to know that he lives? How would you feel? Fuck it. 

**_Unknown Number to Baz Pitch_ **

**(12:00 am) UNKNOWN: Do you ever feel like your life was written before you were even born but you can’t even follow the life that someone laid out for you?**

_ (1:00 am) BP: Always.  _

____________________________________________________________________________

**September 16, 2014, Seventh Year**

**_Unknown Number to Simon Snow_ **

_ (8:00 am) UNKNOWN: Who the fuck is this person peering into my soul? _

**(8:01 am) SS: no 1, any1, sry I txt’d u, not sure where i got ure #**

_ (8:01 am) UNKNOWN: Well, no one, your grammar haunts my nightmares. _

**(8:01 am) SS: well ure face haunts my nightmares.**

_ (8:02 am) UNKNOWN: You have yet to see my face. _

**(8:05 am) SS: fuck off.**

**_Simon Snow to Unknown Number_ **

**(3:23 pm) SS:** **_The Guardian: A Ban On Internet Slang? That’s Derp._ **

_ (3:30 pm) UNKNOWN: While all that is fine and good, I was referring to your grammar not your usage of internet slang.  _

**(3:30 pm) SS: wat’s the dif?** **  
** _ (3:31 pm) UNKNOWN: What’s the “dif”? The “dif”, you fucking numpty is about the very integrity of our language. I am not opposed to internet slang, in fact, I think it shows a very interesting evolution of the English language on the basis of necessity and the ongoing technological revolution. But grammar? When grammar and spelling fall apart the very fabric of our language is taking down bit by bit. What will be left? _

**(3:32 pm) SS: but grammar and spelling go hand-in-hand with word evolution or whatever the fuck ure trying to say.**

_ (3:33 pm) UNKNOWN: I am not even going to dignify this conversation with a response.  _

**(3:33 pm) SS: I’m putting you as grammar bitch in my phone.**

_ (3:34) UNKNOWN: Fucking Numpty.  _

**_Baz Pitch to Fucking Numpty._ **

_ (5:02 pm) BP: I can’t believe you read “The Guardian” _

**(5:04 pm) FN: i don’t, my friend used the article 4 an elocution paper.**

_ (5:05 pm) BP: Of course, you Fucking Numpty.  _

**(5:05 pm) FN: why are you such a dick?**

_ (5:06 pm) BP: What can I say? You are what you eat. _

That better fluster whoever this fucking numpty is. 

**(5:07 pm) FN: and who’s dick would you even get the chance 2 eat, dumbass?**

Huh. I was not expecting that. 

_ (5:08 pm) BP: Wouldn’t you like to know. _

**Simon**

I don’t know who this person is, but for some reason, they bring a smile to my face. I don’t know, its good for a change. It’s uncomplicated and familiar, even though I’ve never met them. 

____________________________________________________________________________


	2. make them hear you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Football, the mage, grammar bitches and fucking numpties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I hope to finish this story by the end of my winter break. Follow me on tumblr @the-clueless-philosopher.

**September 17, 2014**

**Baz**

I wake up with an unshakable soreness in my neck and drag myself out of bed, willing myself not to look at the t-shirt riding up Snow’s stomach, the sheets falling off his bed. Fuck me. I take this opportunity to annoy the shit out of him with one of my trademark long showers. At least it’s something, I don’t think I’d be able to survive without the sound of his voice. 

“Baz, what the fuck are you doing in there you fucking prick?”

“Personal hygiene, a concept you have no grasp on” I retort cooly as I rinse the conditioner out of my hair. 

I take my sweet time, slowly getting out of the shower and putting on my school uniform. I decide to take the extra few minutes to tie my purple and green striped tie just right before I step out of the bathroom, a theatrical puff of steam from my excessively hot shower preceding me.

“Fuck off, Baz” Snow grunts before pushing past me into our en suite. I flash him a smirk and I smell the frustrating magic before I see the blood rise to his cheeks as he slams the door in my face. I push him and I keep pushing him because I need him in my life. Even if its because he hates me, my ever-embarrassing purpose in life has been to get a reaction from Simon Snow. To get something from him, to take a little piece of his light for me. I hold onto it, for the dark moments. 

The rest of the day goes on in rather the same fashion, I sneer, he growls, I relish it. After my last class, I receive another strange text. I don’t know who this person is but its refreshing, to say the least, to have a person who hasn’t already formed an opinion of me based on my name. To be able to push someone in a friendly manner rather than have history and political baggage hang in the air between our words. 

**_Fucking Numpty to Baz Pitch_ **

**(4:02 pm) FN: do u know the difference between pixies and fairies?**

_ (4:03 pm) BP: You moron, how did you know I go to Watford? I could have been a normal. _

**(4:03 pm) FN: sry, mate i meant to txt my friend.**

_ (4:04 pm) BP: Whatever, the difference between fairies and pixies is the difference between blood-sucking, vengeful, demons, and glitter-loving unicorn goddesses.  _

**(4:05 pm) FN: how do u even know this?**

I consider not telling him how and maintaining the anonymity that I’ve been enjoying but I figure it would come out somehow. 

_ (4:06 pm) BP: Old Family libraries are treasure troves, at least they were before the mage implemented these insane reforms.  _

**(4:06 pm) FN: the mage is a good man.**

_ (4:07 pm) BP: The Mage is a self-righteous, power-hungry arse. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.  _

**(4:07 pm) FN: the old families hold all the power! he is just trying to level the playing field.**

_ (4:08 pm) BP: The Mage makes out the Old Families to be the villain in a story where he is the hero. He thinks he’s bloody Robin Hood, and dresses like it too.  _

**(4:09 pm) FN: the mage is giving a chance to those who didn’t have one before and is getting rid of the antiquated, aristocratic system we had before.**

_ (4:10 pm) BP: I think that’s the most articulate sentence you’ve ever said, it doesn’t sound like you at all. Probably beacause that propaganda has been ingrained in your memory! That is almost verbatim what The Mage said when he raided my family’s library. Say what you will of the Old Families, but at least we have the capacity for independent thought.  _

**(4:12 pm) FN: whatever, man.**

**(4:14 pm) FN: what’s the answer for 3.**

**Simon**

I don’t know who the hell this person is, but they seem smart. I’d ask Pen about the homework but I’m pretty sure she’s annoyed with me and I don’t want to be a burden. I guess that’s why I like taking to Grammar Bitch, they don’t know who I am so I can’t disappoint them. I will probably find a way too anyway. I stare back at Baz’s desk, he’s probably at the library or sacrificing virgins or something. I should probably be going to the football pitch though, his practice will be starting soon. 

I sit on the bleachers, trying my best not to freeze my arse off. It’s bloody cold for September. Baz and the team have already started their stretches. Something about him, makes my blood boil, makes my face uncomfortably hot. I tear my eyes from him (he’s bloody fit) and pull out my phone.

**_Simon Snow to Grammar Bitch_ **

**(4:30 pm) SS: so, u play any sports?**

_ (6:30 pm) GB: Football.  _

**(6:31 pm) SS: the team’s bloody fantastic.**

_ (6:31 pm) GB: That we are, you fucking numpty, that we are.  _

**(6:32 pm) SS: the mage brought football to Watford.**

_ (6:33 pm) GB: Only good decisions he ever made.  _

**(6:34 pm) SS: knowing u, u would have burned down the school without it.**

_ (6:35 pm) GB: Knowing me? _

**(6:35 pm) SS: I know you! I know you’re a prick, you hate the mage, I know you like guys AND you’re horny for the English language. Okay but I don’t know if you’re a guy?**

_ (6:36 pm) GB: I am ‘horny for the English language’? _

_ (6:36 pm) GB: Accurate. By the way, I am a bloke and you used a question mark wrong.  _

**(6:37 pm) SS: see, we’re friends.**

_ (6:37 pm) GB: I’ve known you for three days, you fucking numpty.  _

**(6:38 pm) SS: we’re friends**

**Baz**

“Baz you can’t stop smiling”

“Sod off, Dev”

“He’s right, you’re grinning, and not even in a sadistic way!”

“I’m leaving”

**Simon**

I decide to go see the Mage before dinner, but as usual, he’s not there. Maybe Grammar Bitch is right, the Mage is always going on about the Old Families but he never helps me defeat the Humdrum. He always seems more interested in this political feud...but what have the Old Families actually done?

**_Simon Snow to Grammar Bitch_ **

**(11:00 pm) i think you’re right about the mage.**

_ (11:02 pm) Of course, I am, I’m always right.  _

**(11:02 pm) i’m starting to think that may be true.**

_ (11:03 pm) So what inspired this change of heart? _

**(11:03 pm) he’s just always been more interested in defeating the old families than taking down the humdrum when really the only crime that the Old Families have committed is being more conservative.**

_ (11:04 pm) That’s very true, Fucking Numpty. How I’d love to tell that motherfucker off.  _

**(11:05 pm) wat’s your real name anyway?** **  
** _ (11:05 pm) Wouldn’t you like to know… _

**(11:06 pm) goodnight, Grammar Bitch.**

_ (11:07 pm) ‘Night, Fucking Numpty.  _

The two boys, sat in their respective beds, each smiling at their phones, the harsh light from the screen creating a safe bubble between the two. 


End file.
